These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
