Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
