Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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