Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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