What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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