normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
