we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
