I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
