if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
