I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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