I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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