Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
