dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Randomize