I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
