haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
