dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
