maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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