I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
