Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
