I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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