I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
