About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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