All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
