just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
