Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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