i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
