dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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