Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
