You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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