I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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