I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize