dude i'm inner monologue high
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize