I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
