It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
