He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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