The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
