After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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