I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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