God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
