I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
