I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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