Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
