All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
