We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
