i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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