please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize