I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
