And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
