I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
