You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
