dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
