Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
