She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
