dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
