We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
