Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
