he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
