If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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