Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
