You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
