I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
