We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize