he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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