she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She said her name was "party"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
