best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
