Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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