we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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