He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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