the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
His hands were made for my vagina.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
