someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
