Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My sheets look like a crime scene.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize