i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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