Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
