Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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