I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
