You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
