I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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