i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
