He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Found the puke drawer
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
