i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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