you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
