you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
