Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
As shirtless as possible
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Randomize
