so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
