I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
