were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
