So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
